Behind the Green Eyes











{April 8, 2012}   new project:

okay, so this is a new project i’m working on. I usually don’t do suspense stories like this. but i’ve had this idea, so i’m running with it. Please let me know if it even sounds interesting to continue. I don’t want to be writing something that’s not interesting. I could use some help with this one. Thanks to everyone who reads this. so here goes….

 

 

The courtroom was so quite you could have heard a pin drop as the prosecuter rose to give his closing arguments.

            “Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, I’ll make it short, I just want you to realize the truth, and the truth is that Mr. Damien McGee is a sadistic violent rapist, who will stop at nothing to get his next victim.  The defense wants to paint Mr. McGee as a wonderful, gentle human being, but that is simply not who he is.  Over the past few weeks you have heard testimony from witnesses, saw the evidence, and heard from the victims themselves that all points to the fact that Mr. McGee is in fact a rapist, and therefore he should be sitting behind bars where he belongs.”

He continued to speak, but Jeanna had lost all interest in what he was saying. She found her eyes on the man she had come to know, she thought rather well. There he was conversing with his lawyer, she still had trouble wrapping her head around the fact that the man she had considered her friend, a man she once thought she loved was accussed of these heinous acts. Soon her mind was wondering back to where it all began.

 

 

It was hot that day as she walked along the sidewalk on her back to her house. Jeanna’s phone buzzed in her pocket indicating she had a new text message. As she pulled the phone out of her pocket to read the message she had no idea of the man that was walking down the street towards her also not paying attention to where he was going. When their two bodies collided Jeanna nearly stumbled backwards but before she could actually fall to the ground two strong arms snaked around her back catching her and stabling her upright. With a blush tinting her cheeks she looked up at the man who thankfully kept her from falling flat on her backside.

“I’m so sorry, I was starring at my phone and not paying any attention to where I was going” she said shyly to the man who she now realized the most beautiful blue eyes she’d ever seen.

“it’s quite alright, I’m just as much to blame as you are. I wasn’t paying any attention either. Apparently my blackberry should have come with a warning that said Danger to health when walking down the street trying to text.” The man replied with such smoothness in his voice that her knees nearly went weak, but his reply also made her laugh because it was true, texting while walking down the street could be a hazard apparently.

“Yea I agree, you never know when walking down the street texting when it may be your last because you just plowed straight into some guy who just happened to be doing the same thing” Jeanna said with a giggle. As soon as the sound escaped her lips she mentally smacked herself, she couldn’t believe she was giggling like a teenager to this man she had just ran into.  Here she was a 26 year old woman and she was giggling like a teenager.

“Well at least I got to meet a beautiful woman out of my mishap, I’m Damien” he replied with smoothness in his voice, once again making Jeanna legs go weak at the knees, as he extended his had to hers.

Taking his had in hers Jeanna attempted to get her jitteriness under control, “I’m Jeanna. I should really get going though I have a lot of work to do.”

“I understand, once again I am sorry Jeanna about running into you like that. I promise from now on no texting while walking down the street.” , he said with a smile.

“Thank you Damien, I’ll do my best to do the same. See you around Damien”

“Oh I do intend to see you again Jeanna” he said as she walked away. The way he said it gave Jeanna butterflies that she hadn’t felt in her stomach for years. The last time she’d felt that way was when she’d first met her fiancé Bobby. Who by the way was probably now back at their apartment waiting on her. She’d have a lot of calming down to do before she could walk through the door. It had been so long since someone had made her feel so flustered. She was left feeling like a teenager all over again, it was definitely a strange and foreign sensation to her.

 

 

 

“Ladies and Gentlemen of the Jury, while the prosecution would have you believe that Damien McGee is a cruel heartless man, nothing could be further from the truth. You have all heard testimony hear over the past few weeks of the horrible acts that were committed to these young women. Acts that should have never have happened. But I assure you ladies and gentlemen that Damien was not the man who committed those acts. You’ve heard our side of the facts, you’ve heard his witnesses. He’s had his share of women yes, but never did he have to force any of them. He did not in anyway commit anhy of these unspeakable acts. He’s a loving and caring man, he could never hurt a woman. And if you convict him then you will be sending an innocent man to prision while the true rapist goes free. Thank you”

Damien should have been paying attention to every word his lawyer was saying tto the jury, after all the man was trying to save his future and keep him from spending the better part of said future out of jail. But instead his eyes looked around the large courtroom and landed on the woman he thought would have saved him with her testimony. Hell she had tried, but even her testimony may not have been enough to save him, after all she had been testifying for the prosecution, while she didn’t want to believe that it was him that was responsible for what had happened to the other women or the one that had been stalking her, he knew part of her had given up on that hope long time ago. Damn, her husband the detective was more than happy to share his testimony, hell he had wanted Damien out of his wife’s life for years now. As his eyes lingered longer than they should have on her, he too began to think back to that first day.

 

I’d been living in this new city for a few months now. I’ve met many women but none of them were as beatutiful as she was. When her checks blushed that shade of pink I thought what was left of my heart was going to explode, and that cute little giggle that escaped her lips, was actually sexy as fuck. 

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It’s a good draft but you need to show more and tell less. I think you should run with it but at the same time read some courtroom drama type books like Grisham to get a better feel for the environment. I was reading Mysteries before all my research books and notes were stolen for the book I had intended to write that I am not longer going to bother with. Even if this belly flops it is a learning experience so write it regardless of the outcome. I liked it though but I would have went with the attackers perspective not the victims but that’s me.



thanks i was actually thinking of doing both perspectives during the flashbacks that way you get to see both sides of the story, because both characters have so much to tell. The main girl character wasn’t attacked by him she was his closest friend and once lover before this all started. but now they’ve grown estranged through all of this, and now she’s trying to come to grips with the reality that someone she cares so deeply for could possibly commit these crimes. as for the guy on trial he’s trying to remember how things in his life spiraled out of control and how he became the man he is now and it all started with her. I’ll defintly do some research on courtroom dramas, that’s some really good advice. thank you.



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