Behind the Green Eyes











{April 5, 2012}   Guilt

You follow me around for years

Every time I think I escape you

There you are bringing me back to tears.

Haunting my dreams

Scaring away my hopes

Tampering with my reality.

Try as I may to forget you

Try my best to hide the truth

Its not that easy to do.

I’m scared, I run

I hide

Yet you find me every time.

You darken my soul

I know you’re there watching my every move

You haunt me waiting for the perfect time

To plot your torture of my body and mind.

He’s forgiven me

Why cant you?

I try to forget you

Try to move forward

Yet there you are again

Years later, you show your face.

You follow me around for years

Every time I think I escape you

There you are bringing me back to tears.

 

 

This is my first poem I’ve written in over a year, so I’m a little rusty. Just what I’m feeling tonight. Not really much thought going into this one.



{April 5, 2012}   Guilt

You follow me around for years

Every time I think I escape you

There you are bringing me back to tears.

Haunting my dreams

Scaring away my hopes

Tampering with my reality.

Try as I may to forget you

Try my best to hide the truth

Its not that easy to do.

I’m scared, I run

I hide

Yet you find me every time.

You darken my soul

I know you’re there watching my every move

You haunt me waiting for the perfect time

To plot your torture of my body and mind.

He’s forgiven me

Why cant you?

I try to forget you

Try to move forward

Yet there you are again

Years later, you show your face.

You follow me around for years

Every time I think I escape you

There you are bringing me back to tears.

 

 

This is my first poem I’ve written in over a year, so I’m a little rusty. Just what I’m feeling tonight. Not really much thought going into this one.



{April 5, 2012}   walk down memory lane

I’ve spent the last hour doing what I said i would do. I’ve been writing, and it’s been really good. I’ve actually been able to work on my book that I’m writing. This book is based on my real life experience. While not everything in the book is factual, the majority of it is. So that has been taking a walk down memory lane so to speak. And believe me that’s not easy. I regret most of this time in my life, I really wish i wouldn’t have acted the way i did, most importantly I wish I woudn’t have put myself in the situation that I did to begin with. While yes everything worked out in the end, I came so close to losing everything, one wrong decision and I wouldn’t have the life I have and love today. The choices i made back then, the hurt I caused the person I love the most, the pain i inflicted on myself, all that still makes me want to cry even now as I’m writing this. But I’ve learned from the past. I’ve learned from my mistakes. I know I’m stronger for it, I just wish I hadn’t made the mistakes to begin with, because see here’s the thing about me. I still live with the guilt of those mistakes of the pain I caused to the most wonderful man in the world. He’s forgiven me, we never would have survived the getting married or the last 9 years together. But that mistake still haunts me. I fucked up months before our wedding, I allowed someone to get to know me, to make me believe the lies he told. And i ended up causing more pain than I can ever truly forgive myself for.   Maybe that’s something I should work on, forgiving myself. Ugh, it’s a long story. And I’m sure i’m not even making sense anymore, i’m just writing the rambling thoughts that are in my head. I hate when the guilt starts eating at me. Even 9 years later you still haunt me.



{April 5, 2012}   Need to write

Okay so it’s time I get back to writing.. I’ve had a long enough break.. So now I have made up my mind, no matter what, I will commit myself to writing something for at least 1 hour everyday… I’m not even sure what I’ll be writing about, I know that I need to finish my book. But even if I don’t work on that I at least need to write something. I need to get my brain back into the creative writing mode so that I can finish this book. It’s important to me that I finish it and I will..  So I guess starting tonight, after the kids are asleep and I have some peace to myself, I’ll sit down with my music, get my mind thinking and just write anything and everything.. I need to get the juices flowing again, and sometimes this is the best way to do it.



{March 20, 2011}   Release

A few nights ago, I had a dream of you yet again.  I felt as if you were really there, seeking out my soul, trying to tell me something, I refuse to hear or to believe.

 

Release: 03/20/2011

Once again you appear

In a dream, to very near.

I try to run away

Yet some how you always seem to stay.

I hate that you’re here again

I keep waiting for this dream to end.

Every time I seem to forget

You come back, leaving nothing but regret.

I made mistakes, I admit

But to you, I refuse to submit.

Please release me from this dream

Cause we both know it will never be.

It cannot become reality

So please go & let me be.

Don’t seek out my soul,

Because in truth we both know.

Try as we may

We can’t make it stay.

Release my soul to be free

Give my dreams back to me.



{March 5, 2011}   Fall Away

She watches in horror as everything slips away,

The gentle touches, the kisses, the glances,

Slowly with time they all begin to fade.

She sits and ponders

Where it all began

When was it that everything she cherishes

Came to an end.

Clinging to hope to fuel the flame

Praying that love is enough to save

No ones to blame

As everything falls away.

In the same room

Worlds apart

She silently cries

Desperately clutching her heart.

Love isn’t enough to save what once was there

Tonight she realizes it’s to late

With no other choice

But to simply walk away.



{March 3, 2011}   Drunken Whiskey Night (poem)

DRUNKEN WHISKY NIGHT

10-22-07

“You’ll never defeat me”

She stammers through her drunkenness

As she pulls out his picture

That she kept in the bottom drawer.

Starring at his face

Glaring at his dark blue eyes

She remembers the evil

That hides within his soul.

The evil you would never know

Unless you’ve been on the receiving end

As she had time and time again.

Through her drunken slurs

She remembers the pain he caused

The pain that drove her

To drink an entire bottle of whisky

The pain that turned her

Into the dark angel she is.

“I hate you, I hate you, I wish you’d die”

She screams with her slurred speech.

Her blond hair ruffled

Pain deep in her heart

She looks at his picture once again

Then tosses it into the fireplace.

As the picture turns to ashes

She cries herself into a peaceful sleep.

Where in the morning she will awaken

And not remember

The drunken whisky night!



{March 3, 2011}   Another Poem

TYISSA’S PAIN

10-16-07

Half empty bottle of whisky sits before her

She pours herself another glass

Trying to mask the pain within

Trying to forget the past.

Her angel wings now hidden

Masked by her pain and despair

Fighting back the tears

She pulls back her long blond hair.

As she downs another shot of whisky

Her black eye-liner begins to run

Damming him to hell

For all the pain he’s done.

His evil takes a hold of her

Fighting to be free

She gasps for every breath

Asking, “what happened to me?”

She awakes the next morning

In a strange bed

With blurred vision

And an aching head.

She pulls out her knife

Stroking the sharp blade

How dare she be so careless

How dare she let his evil win the crusade.

She let the past come back to haunt her

Thought she had locked it away

Just goes to prove the dark angel

Can’t forget her pain.



{March 3, 2011}   Dark Angel Sings Poem

Okay, so it’s been so long since I’ve written anything, years infact, so I’m hoping that blogging again will help me get back my creative side, so that I can begin writing again & finish the books I’ve already started. Anyways, here’s my first post, it was originally written in October of ‘07, but I do like this one & it’s part of the book I’ve been wanting to start working on again..

THE DARK ANGEL SINGS

10-15-07

The dark angel opens her eyes

Looking around

She sees the pain in the night.

The dark angel spreads her wings

Wanting to help

With the power she sings.

Her words of sorrow

Speak to those

Looking for love in the pane glass window.

The dark angels eyes

Full of pain

Sees the others cry.

Wanting to assist those in pain

Her words come out louder

Trying to sing over the pounding rain.

The dark angel’s eyes well with tears

From the pain she’s felt

For the past four years.

Feel her mounting pain

See it in her eyes

Her blood left it’s stain.

Once again she spreads her wings

Mounting with sorrow

The dark angel sings.



et cetera